Start the countdown!!

Probably just my hormones talking but right at this moment I HATE blogging!! That's why I mainly stick with Facebook. It's because for some reason the dang blog won't let me post pictures from my camera roll (I do everything from my phone or iPad) so unfortunately I'm not going to be adding any pictures to this post. My favorite posts are those with pictures so I apologize! Anywho, I guess it doesn't really matter since I mainly blog as a way to get my feelings written down, kind of like a journal that I don't mind sharing with others.

Today's topic: Countdown to baby! 24 days!! Also, c-sections and my thoughts on having to do another one. I know, I've been fretting about how I am going to deliver this entire pregnancy. I've been going back and forth over pros and cons for both vbac and cs, and for the majority of this pregnancy was convinced I wanted to try vbac. Problem is that opens up a whole lot of other decisions to be made and I HATE making decisions! What kind of medications I want/don't want, what kind of interventions I'll allow and how much any of those decisions will really matter during labor since obviously I've never been through it before and have no idea what I can handle. I just kept thinking about my recovery from my previous cs and that kept me on the path of vbac. However, I remember telling people right afterwards how much I loved my cs so that got me thinking. Maybe now that I know what to expect the recovery won't be so bad. I've heard from several cs mommies that their subsequent cs's were much better and easier than the first, and they didn't go through what I did. My nurses in recovery totally sucked. They didn't encourage me to walk around afterwards to help with the pain, the only time they brought it up was when they would no longer give me pain medication. Walking was torture and I have since talked to my cs friends who all told me their nurses had them up and moving ASAP! Now that I know I'll make Coden *make* me so that so it won't be so brutal. Another thing to consider is that unlike them, I didn't get to keep my baby by me, didn't get to do skin-to-skin, didn't get to feed her, and all of those things would have helped, I'm sure of it. This time I should be able to do all those things, which emotionally will make a huge difference and I believe that emotions can either help or hurt your recovery. I just look at it like if my friends are saying that the 2nd cs is easier and they had all those good things the first time around, then it's going to be a *completely* new experience for me. So I'm actually looking forward to it. To be completely honest I was incredibly relieved when Dr. Smith said that my cervix was still way thick and closed, and that little Sequel was complete breech. Took away the stress of having to decide between vbac and cs and all the things that were stressing me out about vbac. And I know, I *know* that there's still a chance that she could flip and my cervix could start thinning and dilating, but even if that happens I think I'll stick with cs, solely based on the relief I felt when she told me I may have to. I think my subconscious the whole time was more comfortable with a repeat cs but I was really wanting to do right by this one and do a vbac, but the stress I was feeling as the weeks kept going by wasn't good for me and it sure wouldn't have helped during labor. I hope this is making sense. Basically if I did vbac I was wanting to go as natural as possible (hard to do when you're considered high risk) but that's what I wanted. I didn't want an epidural, I wouldn't mind another form of pain killer but I just wanted to avoid as much medicine as possible. I am TERRIFIED of episiotomy, I don't want forceps or vacuum used etc etc. With cs I don't have a choice and that makes me feel SO much better, as crazy as that may be. It's scheduled which is nice since most our family lives 6 hours away, it'll be a lot calmer since Sophie's was emergency, I'll get to hold her immediately after, snuggle, breast feed, and have her with me while I recover. All of that is appealing to me. Coden says he's going to make me feel guilty for us taking the Lamaze class if it turns out that I can do vbac but choose to do cs, and what's funny is that I started steering more toward cs *because* of that class so...yeah too bad. I'm glad we took it, I personally learned a lot. I think there's a cs class at the hospital too, maybe I'll look into that before the big day. ;0) The big day, by the way, is tentatively set for November 12, 2013 (11/12/13) at 12:30pm.

26wk doctors appointment info and deliberations

Doctors appointment today went well. She's not concerned about the weight I've gained this month even though it's triple what it should be! My blood pressure is normal, which is good, but the high weight gain and normal blood pressure was "normal" for Sophie too. As long as there's nothing wrong I'm learning that this is maybe how I am when pregnant.
She still hasn't received my records from UofU regarding my incision, but her opinion is that since my c-section was done before 30 weeks she would highly recommend another c-section. She's usually one who leans toward VBAC's with normal c-sections so I trust that she's saying that from experience. She says when it's done before 30 weeks the uterus isn't mature enough for a regular incision so they almost always have to do vertical (the dangerous one). She says a lot of times the surgeons try to get the scar in the right spot, even are sure that they have, and then it turns out they find out during delivery that they didn't and the risk isn't worth it. I asked about since I was so swollen, would that have made it more likely that the scar would be in the wrong place or if they could have gotten it right, she says since I had so much fluid there's a really good chance that the scar is in the right spot since my uterus had a chance to grow to a normal size, but because of how high risk Sophie was they could have still done the vertical incision to be safe. AAARRGGG!!!! This decision is hard! Now I have to think about what my decision will be, regardless of what the records say. I feel like even if the records say that I didn't have a vertical incision, there's a slight chance it could be wrong, but I'd like to try VBAC. I know in most cases it's better for the baby and I'd like the experience of a "normal" birth. But am I being selfish by wanting to try VBAC when it's *possible* that the scar is in the wrong spot, risking rupture that could possibly kill me and the baby? But then if the records say there isn't a vertical incision am I being selfish by still choosing a c-section for that same "just in case" scenario? Is this making any sense? Basically if the records say the scar IS in the right spot, I should be ok to do a VBAC but what if it's wrong? If it says it's not safe then obviously there's no question, I'll do c-section. Maybe I should just choose c-section, then there's no question of there being an unforeseen emergency during delivery. Even a slight risk just isn't worth it to me. We're re-requesting those records, just to get rid of any "what-ifs".
I'm sure some of you are thinking "Why worry about this now, you still have 14 weeks?" I can only say that when you've had one surprise preemie baby you start preparing for things in advance because you never know. I read somewhere in all this research that I'm doing that a c-section can increase your chances of having a preemie baby, regardless if anything is wrong with the pregnancy. So I feel that the earlier I'm prepared with a birth plan, the better. If I go early, great then at least I have a plan, if I don't GREAT then I'll have had time to accept whatever birth plan I decide on. Both have their pro's and con's. The biggest reason I don't want to do c-section is that the recovery is SO brutal! I hated it! Like...HATED it!!! I'd rather give birth naturally in the car during a middle of a snowstorm than have to deal with that recovery again.
I know it sounds like I'm fretting over nothing, and to tell the truth it bugs me because I hate having to decide what movie I want to watch, much less how I'm going to give birth! But it's one of those "in the back of my mind" kind of concerns, I'm not stressing too much and I'm not thinking about it all the time, so no worries.

Belly pics and vents

Pregnancy pics! I was planning on using Photoshop to add the info for the first pic but that seems like way too much work since my Photoshop is on the HP and we never use that anymore.

12 weeks!

16 weeks! I'm pretty excited that the chalkboard is finally finished.

I'm feeling fine, I still take something at night for nausea but I can tell it's not as bad as it was. I'm frustrated that I was so sick for the first 3 months. I know I shouldn't worry about weight but it's annoying that I only got to experience being skinny for like *maybe* a month before getting pregnant and having stupid cravings for salty carbs and being too sick to clean the house much less exercise. Because of that the slightest work out wears me out. I still crave what I consider to be "bad" foods and I still have to force down fruit and veggies but I'm trying to work on portion control a little bit (you know, like not taking a second helping when I'm really not hungry but it just tastes so good, that sort of thing). I was so SO hungry all the time in the first, we'll say 4 months because only now am I starting to feel semi-normal. At least normal when it comes to eating, which is a relief. I gained too much at first and I was worried about if the hunger continued the whole time what that would do to me, I don't want to be unhealthy, not to mention we're on track to win a week long trip to Hawaii through Primerica just 3 months after I have this baby and I refuse to look like a whale. I think about weight way more often with this pregnancy than I did with Sophie because as some of you know I had stupid hormone issues that wouldn't allow me to lose the baby weight (and the stress eating weight from the 3 months I was living in SLC and eating out for every meal), and like I said, I only JUST lost the weight RIGHT before getting pregnant again so I'm more than a little obsessed and self conscious. I'm very open about it though as you can see. That also means that it's ok, even encouraged, to say that I look pregnant! You have no idea how many people have told me that I barely look pregnant. I carry straight out so that's not a compliment to me. To me it's saying that you think I'm just fat because how could I have a gut like that and not be fat so it's OK to tell me I look pregnant!! Phew I'm done with my rant. I've been doing a lot of that lately. My poor hubs gets to hear all of it....over and over again. Oh well, this will pass I'm sure. We have a basic doctors appointment on June 19 and an appointment with MFM (High Risk) on the 26th and that's when we'll find out what we're having.

More catching up-bike rides/ice cream/face painting

The beginning of many, many bike rides. We thought it'd be fun to go on the trail by the river but there were too many walkers. It was too stop-and-go. After that we've just been sticking around our neighborhood.

Just chillin'

Enjoying our new scooter! Sophie LOVES riding around the block!

Chalk graffiti! Her favorite thing was coloring over my drawings. Little stink.

So much fun making such a mess!

Ice cream!!

Her first ice cream cone! That's a small?!

 We took Sophie to an Up-2-Three event at the community center for face painting. While waiting our turn a nice mom was blowing bubbles for Sophie. She started out leaning against Coden's legs and was soon standing on her own, Coden backed away and she had no idea, she stood like that for a loooong time.....also clutching her nose. Don't know why she's so into that lately. Wish confidence in standing and walking was something we could teach her. I hope one of these days she just starts doing it.

We had the lady paint her arm instead. Most likely Sophie wouldn't have let her anywhere near her face.

Glittery butterfly wing on one arm...

Rainbow on the other.

Then we played at the park.

Aquarium and Zoo in April

So I'm going to play catch up really fast. I can't remember exactly when it was that we went to Salt Lake for Verizon but I'm going to guess it was in April sometime. Coden had been asked to help out at the Sugar House VZ store while they were short handed so they sent us down, put us up in a nice big room at the Double Tree Hotel and Sophie and I got to enjoy the area while Coden was working. One of the days I contacted my cousin Lena and we went to the aquarium in....Layton? I really need to learn the surrounding cities.

Here's a picture of Lena and Sophie. Sophie was such a wiggle worm!

Sophie loved looking at these fish.

Didn't care too much about the sharks though.

Or the turtle...

Or the penguins...

This penguin kept swimming around almost like it was trying to get her attention, but she was more interested in the box she was standing on...

The penguin liked her more than she liked him, I think.

It was a great day to go because it was the middle of the week and so not too many people there, and the animals were actually out and performing. Not that Sophie cared much but it was really cool to see.


The next day Sophie and I went on a Mommy-Daughter date to the Hogle Zoo. It was also perfect timing because it was so dead and the animals there were also out and about for us to see. The best had to be the seals, pretty sure they were trying to mate....well the male was (I assume) and the female was shutting him down pretty hard. Hope my video of it shows up ok on here.

These were the two seals I was talking about. They later moved their fighting underwater and we got a good show.

This seal here kept swimming and spinning right in front of us, showing off.

This one's cute, it's like they're looking at each other.

I have a video of these bears too I'll have to find. There were 3 huge cubs running around in circles chasing each other. So cute! Once again couldn't get Sophie to look at them. She was more interested in the baby next to us.

Sophie's first carousel ride! We were the only ones on there.

She hated every minute of it. Maybe if dad goes with us next time she'll like it.

Sophie and the orangutan having a silent discussion.

She likes to push the stroller all by herself. :)

I'm still new at this so I'm hoping these videos posted ok. There's one of the seals "playing", another of the seals playing underwater right in front of Sophie, one of those cute playful cubs and one of a peacock strutting across a bridge. Don't know why I thought it was funny but for some reason it was.