A lesson in humility

Sophie has been going to gymnastics every Friday for a while now and we love it! She loves being around other kids her own age and for the most part just as behind as she is, and I love all the things she gets to do that have her working on skills I never would have thought she'd need.  She now recognizes and loves trampolines, she's getting better at walking across a balance beam (with help), and now has no problem crawling in tunnels. That used to terrify her. She hates the foam pit unless dad is with her, then she'll jump in willingly. They have a blast playing in there during free time whenever Coden can join us.

Over time, however, I've slowly been growing more and more frustrated with some of the parents. Not all, of course, most are wonderful but there are some here and there that drive me nuts. Some of the parents bring their older children with no disabilities with them and they usually play in areas where the toddlers aren't working, usually on the big trampolines and the foam pit. Totally fine, there's a woman who keeps them entertained and for the most part away from us so the babies can focus. Every so often though one or two will break away and come join the toddlers in the circuit because it looks like fun. They obviously have nothing holding them back and breeze right through it but in the mean time they're hovering over and rushing the toddlers. Their parents sometimes try to rein their kid(s) in, but a lot of times they're so focused on their toddler, the reason they're there, that they don't notice. A lot of other parents will just move their baby aside so the older kid can pass...I don't.  I think it's wrong. I'm not going to rush my baby who's come so far when she's working on something at her own pace. Some of the parents even try getting their toddlers to go faster if they notice a line forming behind them and that drives me nuts too! They are there for that toddler to gain confidence and skill, not to hurry and get through the circuit. Anyway I digress. The point of this ranting is to talk about what I experienced yesterday and what I learned from it.

Part of the circuit yesterday was crawling up a tube/slide and doing summersaults down the padding on the other side. Sophie, as I mentioned, usually has problems with tubes in general but yesterday was crawling up it like it was no big deal, so proud of her! The second time around, though one of the older siblings cut in line and crawled up with her but was right on top of her and practically crawling over her. It happens so often that I just touched him on the shoulder to hold him back a little and said "it's Sophie's turn ok? We're not going to rush her because she's doing her best, can you wait your turn?" Of course no answer. This boy could have only been 3 or 4 and I really wasn't expecting him to do anything. He just kept trying to crawl over her in that tiny space. I mainly say things like that nicely hoping that their parent is paying attention and can come grab them. This time no parent came. I'd never seen this boy there before so I had no idea who he belonged to. At the summersaults, something I obviously have to do for Sophie, he kept trying to roll over her. So frustrating! I kept my cool though and just kept taking him off her so Sophie could focus. It was big enough padding that he could've gone down the other side but never did. Another mother behind me kept looking at me sympathetically. This same boy had done this to her and her daughter at the bars but she just rushed her child through so he could get past. I'm sorry but I'm too stubborn for that. I want Sophie to get something from each lesson. All of this really only lasted a minute or two and he quickly got bored and moved on. Like I said, frustrating but really not a big deal, it happens all the time.

Later Sophie crawled over to the big trampolines, she got on the lower one and bounced for a bit but quickly wanted to join Aria, a little girl with leg braces, on the taller trampoline. They bounced around a bit and I got to know Aria's parents. It's usually the dad who brings Aria so I've never met the mom before. The dad usually just let's Aria run around instead of doing the circuits then leaves her to go jump on the trampoline into the foam pit, so not impressed. Aria seems amazing and so strong and can do things most other kids her age can't, so the fact that he leaves her so he could play just irked me. Aria's mother and I talked a little bit and I found out the boy is hers and he has autism. Now I understand why he didn't really respond when I talked to him. I immediately felt bad for judging his parents so harshly. Not like I had said anything rude, I don't regret anything I said or did, but I felt bad for judging the parents as negligent. They only have the two kids, Michael who has autism and Aria who has Williams Disease and something else with a LOOOOONG name, that apparently is extremely rare to have those two diseases together so Aria is really one of a kind. I had mentioned that I hope that Sophie will be walking before we have this next one and she asked if I was afraid being pregnant again, that the same thing would happen. She said that they would most likely never have another because its hard enough with the two kids she has now, and didn't think she'd be able to handle having another child with any sort of "needs". I felt terrible. I'm not worried at all that my baby won't be healthy because Sophie was a fluke. I had just judged this little family in my frustration. Maybe the dad doesn't make Aria do all the circuits because in that area she's fine. She's only two and physically can do what a two year old can. Her brain may be a little delayed but she's a strong girl. Maybe the dad plays so much while he's there because its the only chance he really gets to unwind. I don't know what their life is like outside that gym. I learned they were all together that day because Aria had an appointment afterwards. Maybe they didn't see Michael rushing the other kids because they were so focused on Aria.

I started counting my blessings again because Sophie's condition isn't long term. She had a traumatic
beginning and though the doctors thought she'd have brain damage that's the one area that's not delayed. In a year or two we expect she'll be caught up and altogether a normal, happy kid. I forget sometimes about the families that have to deal with sorrow for their kids entire lives. Who have to worry about their kids being teased and spiritually and physically tested in every way. Who can't be with them always because they have to work. I've been lucky that I could be at every doctors appt, every surgery, every therapy, every follow up because I'm a stay at home mom. I'm blessed that Coden makes enough at Verizon to pay for our comfortable way of living, and only has to work 40 hours a week to do it. I'm blessed that soon enough, next year most likely, he'll be able to quit his job and focus completely on the business we've been working on for years. He'll be home all day with his family and go on appointments at night with families when they get off work and teach them how to do the same thing. Working a fraction of the hours and still providing our dream life. We can have more children and not have to worry about them being unhealthy, for the most part. Sophie was a fluke but it was still a fluke that happened to us and I worry about other flukes, but my doctor says Coden and I were made for having healthy babies.  Our blood types together make for very healthy babies, she says. I consider that a bit ironic but at the same time it gives me confidence.

It's hard sometimes to not judge others, it's human nature. But I believe it's also human nature to have empathy, if we're not too stubborn to try.  I know because of the many things I've seen and experienced since I had Sophie that I'm going to try harder to see beyond frustration and ask myself what could be going on in their life, so I can understand better.